Have you ever had a circumstance where people have questioned your life choices? A circumstance where people have questioned future choices that you yourself haven't even made yet?! For example, you don’t yet have children, people automatically question when you might have a baby. You are in a long-term relationship, people tend to ask when you might get married. Frustrating, yes! Especially when the pitter patter of tiny feet or the ringing of wedding bells are not on your agenda. Well, I recently found myself in a similar state of speculation but for an entirely different reason.
The youngest of my cubs was due to start school in September 22. Months before this momentous occasion questions surrounding 'what I was going to do with myself' began. What career path had I chosen? When would I start this imaginary position? How would I juggle my four children and house around my newfound career? The truth was that I hadn’t given any thought at all to my life beyond that of a child focused existence. Years of bringing up children full time, without a ‘proper’ career had left me, like many others, with no idea at all about what future employment might look like for me. People seemed surprised by my uncertainty, my vagueness, my complete lack of a legible answer!
I, in the meantime, was holding onto the summer holidays, holding on to the familiar life I knew and dreading the emotional rollercoaster I knew was to come. Come it did! Covid restrictions and lockdowns had left my littlest cub far more attached to mummy than my previous children had been. Tears at home, a refusal to get ready for school, tears at school, tears after school, all ensued. Then came the guilt fuelling words of "mummy I was crying today, I kept shouting you and you didn’t come!" Cue my heart ache!
After a few difficult weeks, we, (cub and I) both got brave, we soldiered through, cub settled at school and I settled into a routine of washing, cleaning, etc without a young child around my feet. Then, something extraordinary happened! My house started to remain clean and tidy! I got to the very bottom of my laundry baskets! I started to feel bored and unbelievably started to ask myself those same pesky questions! After being the in house cook, the cleaner, the organiser, the carer and everything in between, what was I going to do next? "What do I want to do when I grow up?"
With past employment consisting of shop work, childcare, and a more recent stint in a warehouse, what do I actually enjoy? Being my own boss had always appealed to me. The ability to have flexible hours, the reward of getting back what you put in and the pride of creating something yourself. But what? I had often toyed with ideas but the confidence was never there and I guess having children at home was a good reason not to push myself. A busy chaotic life with four children meant that no real time was spent taking that leap of faith. With those little all consuming humans now at school, its time! Time to jump and put myself out in the world.
Join me on my journey of finding where I fit in to the world of paid employment or self employment.
(Polite suggestions or tips welcomed but please don’t ask me any questions!)
Edit: This post was written and not immediately posted. I am now a little further along in my journey, read my next post to find out more.
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